Friday, March 29, 2024

Francona won’t manage in 2012 because only job was with Cubs

Former Red Sox skipper Terry Francona has announced he will not manage a team next season, as the only available job left is with the Chicago Cubs.

Papelbon to blow crucial saves for the Phillies now

Jonathan Papelbon will be leaving the Red Sox to blow crucial saves for the Phillies after signing a fat free-agent contract with Philly earlier today that pays him $40 million over four years.

Theo makes first trade, sending G. Heileman to Boston for Sam Adams

In the first of many moves to come in his new role with the Cubs, Theo Epstein today traded the inexplicably popular old-timer G. Heileman to the Red Sox for the highly rated Samuel Adams.

Epstein trades himself back to Red Sox, pockets cash

As part of the deal, the much-heralded executive included a clause that the Cubs would send shortstop Starlin Castro to the Red Sox and be on the hook for Epstein’s 2012 salary as well as cash compensation for the deal, which would be paid to him.

Epstein resigns from Red Sox, Boston housewife resigns from living

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” Mrs. Perry sobbed. “Theo was all I had. Boston’s most eligible bachelor is gone, and my dreams are gone with him!”

Theo deal nearly complete as Cubs throw in Bartman to Red Sox

"After running [manager Terry] Francona and Theo out of town, we need a new scapegoat for future failures of the franchise," said Henry. "We all know it can't be me, because I just write the checks and take in the glory when we when. Someone's got to take the blame when we lose."

Cubs-Red Sox talks not going well after Ricketts tries to pawn off Zambrano, Soriano

While the Cubs chairman has scored low on the baseball IQ chart since taking over the team, Tom Ricketts is starting to show some savvy after scoring Theo Epstein to replace Jim Hendry as GM. Unfortunately, Ricketts attempts to pawn off both Carlos Zambrano and Alfonso Soriano to Boston have not been met with exuberance.