In a move designed to show that he is just like everybody else, Michael Sam is expected to cheat on his boyfriend during the upcoming football season. NFL analysts and gay rights activists are universally praising this move, pointing out that Sam is in fact just another football player. Sam, the first openly gay player ever drafted, is expected to find somebody else during the first month of the season between divisional road games against either Arizona and Seattle.
One cause of concern for fans of Michael Sam is that with him being the only openly gay player in the NFL, he will literally have 100 percent of the groupies both at home and on the road. Whereas most groupies are evenly divided up among the team, Sam is in the unique position where he literally gets every road hound to himself. No rookie in the history of the NFL has ever had a monopoly on their “cleat-chasers.”
Fortunately, Sam’s veteran teammates on the Rams have already taken the rookie under their wing. In a true gesture of camaraderie and brotherhood, several Rams veterans have already shown Sam how to use different cell phone numbers, screen calls to your hotel room, and set up aliases as well as separate banks accounts, just so you never get caught stepping out.
Meanwhile, Sam’s boyfriend told the media that he was overjoyed after Sam was drafted and kept talking about how what a great day this was, in between putting a tracking device on Michael Sam’s phone and getting a GPS to go into their car.