After being fined $100,000 for an illegal hit on Minnesota Vikings center John Sullivan, Ndamukong Suh of the Detroit Lions has gone to the media to deny charges that he plays “dirty” during a thirty minute press conference, the duration of which saw the All-Pro defensive end keeping Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder in a devastating, and painful-looking, headlock.

“I’m here once and for all to deny that I play ‘dirty’ or with any bad intention. I’m just here to play hard and try to help my team, and I think it’s patently unfair that the media is out to paint me as some sort of bully,” said Suh, at which point he looked down at the struggling Vikings quarterback and harshly whispered, “Say ‘uncle’ Christian.  Say it, I won’t let you go if you don’t say it.”

When reporters asked Suh why he was holding Ponder in such a vicious headlock, he grimaced.

“I’m not here to talk about Christian Ponder, or my habit of putting the opposing quarterback into a headlock until they say ‘uncle’ every time I beat them in a regular season game,” said Suh. “I’m here to assert my name and, once and for all, prove that I’m not a dirty player. I play the game the way it’s supposed to be played and … hey, stop squirming Christian, you’re just making this harder on yourself.”

By Jeff GoodSmith

Jeff GoodSmith