Following thousands of customer complaints, the manufacturer of a Dwyane Wade doll has issued a recall of the product. “We’re not entirely sure what happened since the doll wasn’t designed to make noise,” a spokesman for the company admitted, “but somehow after a year or two of ownership the Wade doll starts making these whiny, crying sounds.”

“Ugh, that doll is so irritating,” a dissatisfied customer griped. “For the longest time it didn’t make a peep. Then all of a sudden every time my daughter touches the thing it starts crying. Heck, it’s reached the point where the doll starts waa-ing when my daughter just gets close to it.”

Along with the Wade doll’s constant crying, owners of the toy have also noted that the doll’s legs seem to be falling apart.
Terms of the recall include customers having the option of getting a portion of their money back or exchanging the Dwyane Wade doll with either a LeBron James doll or a Derrick Rose model. “However, those dolls have a bug or two also,” the company spokesman relays. “The James doll only wants to play with good kids and the Rose doll simply doesn’t want to play.”

A. Waite