Any doubts Albert Pujols had that the Cardinals were harboring ill-will toward him after he left the team for the free agency millions of the Angels, were erased when he opened his mail Monday morning and discovered his 2011 World Series ring had been shipped to him on the middle finger of a cadaver’s hand, on dry ice in a Cracker Jack box.

“I guess they’re mad at me for taking slightly more money for a couple extra years and leaving the organization I grew up in and had become the face of over the past decade,” Pujols said.”I mean, if the Angels didn’t give me a 10-year deal, who knows, nine years from now I could have been out of baseball money and working at Six Flags making sure riders were tall enough for certain roller coasters. I can’t understand how St. Louis doesn’t understand that, and why they no give me 10-year deal like the Angels. This make Albert cry, Albert feelings hurt.”

Cardinals GM John Mozeliak was unapologetic for the crass gesture.

“Fat-jols and his new Angels buddies don’t play in St. Louis, so how else were we to get him his ring?” asked Mozeliak. “I wanted to send it to him in a box of pig feces but Stan [Musial] said it would be much better if we affixed the ring to the middle finger of a cadaver. That’s why he’s Stan “The Man,” for that kind of cool thinking.”

Photoshop by Joel Nielsen

Patrick O. Elia