Donald Trump has decided to cash in on the recent success of Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin. At a Trump Towers press conference Wednesday, Trump announced his intentions for a new television series called “The Lintern.”
“I’ve been watching this kid,” said the Donald. “He’s obviously got a pedigree coming from Harvard. I mean, he’s not a smart as me, but…?”
When asked to get back on track, Trump continued. “Well, uh, anyway, I think he can play basketball. He can’t beat me at a game of HORSE, but, I mean, who can? Where was I?”
After three and a half hours of rambling, Trump eventually revealed that the show will be based mostly upon the same premise as his other successful franchise, “The Apprentice.”
“Okay, here’s the gist,” Trump said. “I’m gonna get three to four clowns off the streets of New York. Then they will have one episode to decide a creative phrase using Jeremy’s last name. I’ve got some great ideas, like ‘Linsanity,’ or ‘Linstant Gratification.’ But the contestants can’t use my ideas. Those are Trump originals.”
Apparently, whichever contestant thinks of the best phrase using Lin’s name will be crowned “The Lintern” by Trump. “The Lintern” will have the privilege of sitting next to Trump at all Knicks games—where Trump plans to have the winner refresh his drinks on a regular basis.
“Who wouldn’t want to be my ‘Lintern?’” said the pompous Trump.
When asked if he’s consulted Lin regarding copyright issues and the use of his name, Trump stated, “I don’t negotiate with Chinese.” When informed that Lin was an Asian-American with Taiwanese heritage, Trump scoffed, stating, “He’s not American until I see that birth certificate!”