Just a couple weeks before Spring Training, Cubs GM Jed Hoyer is angry at members of his scouting department and former Cubs employees after making a shocking discovery: the minor league system is stockpiled with several “players” who aren’t real people.

“We couldn’t find [infield prospect] Junior Lake after he didn’t report to Arizona,” said Hoyer. “So we made a few calls to the Dominican. All we could determine about Lake was that several college students vouched for the parties there.”

Additional prospects found to be things other than people were outfielder Golden Hamm, Arizona State graduate Cannis Massivus and Korean sensation Ha Wi Foolyu.

“We’ve had problems drafting prospects in the past,” said assistant GM Randy Bush. “Corey Patterson was a human shell with no soul and Mark Prior mocked science by being born with no tendons. But why would Jim Hendry trade prospects for land? Did he think he was playing Monopoly?”

By Dan Bradley

Bandwagon Dan