The Cardinals reportedly lost Albert Pujols to the Angels because the pious superstar believed the religiously named team was actually owned by God. There’s no word on whether Pujols is now aware the team is actually owned by billboard magnate Arte Moreno, but should he find out and have him sour on the decision, it’s too late now as the deal has already been signed.

Pujols’ ethically questionable scumbag agent Dan Lozano is said to have encouraged Pujols’ belief that the Angels were owned by God.

“Albert will believe anything I tell him,” said Lozano. “And I knew he’d take the best deal on the table if the team offering it happened to be own by God. So off to Anaheim he goes. Cha-ching!”