Upon hearing of the untimely passing of pro wrestling great Randy “Macho Man” Savage, former rival Hulk Hogan took time out of a busy day of trying to not picture his own daughter naked to take hold of what he believed was a golden opportunity.

“I tell ya right now, brother,” Hogan told “Mean” Gene Okerlund in the basement of Hogan’s Florida home. “Hearts are certainly heavy across the world, but today marks the first day of the new Hogan/Savage rivalry. I’ve been waiting for another crack at the Macho Man for a long, long time.”

Okerlund was obviously perplexed and apparently being held against his will at the home (duct tape and a ball gag could be seen on a sweat soaked recliner in the background). “Um … pardon me, Hulk, but I’m not really sure how … ”

Okerlund was interrupted by Hogan attempting and failing to rip his Panama Jack shirt from his torso with his own hands. Help was offered by Okerlund, but Hogan refused and continued.

“Macho Man, you listen here, and you listen good,” said Hogan. “It’s you and me again. I got you down at the Pearly Gates, cage match, brother. Call St. Peter, call the devil. I’d say call an ambulance, but looks like that ain’t necessary no more. Saturday night. Pay-per-view. “

As Hogan fumbled to find a pair of sunglasses to put on and take off in order to stare into a camera that wasn’t there, Okerlund calmly explained to the former WWF champ that Hogan was not yet deceased and therefore could not wrestle Savage.

“I’m not?” replied a confused Hogan. “I … how … but after all the steroids I’ve done in my life I figured I have a huge heart attack or a massive brain tumor by now.”

Okerlund then put his arm around a glassy-eyed Hogan’s shoulder, led him upstairs, and offered to have a talk at the kitchen table over a cup of chamomile tea.

Tim Baffoe