The Vancouver Canucks were dealt a huge blow Tuesday afternoon when superstar center Henrik Sedin announced he is quitting hockey to pursue his true passion: diving.
“You’ve all seen my diving abilities on the ice,” said Sedin. “I can flop, twist and roll with the best of them. Sure, it will be hard diving without anyone gently nudging me, but it’s a challenge I accept.”
Sedin, who has been shut down in the quarterfinals series against the Blackhawks, said he would not play in tonight’s monumental Game 7 in Vancouver.
“I can’t risk injury with the Summer Olympics in London just a few short years away,” he said. “I have to focus on my uncanny ability to propel myself through the air and contort my body for no reason whatsoever.”
Sedin, who like many members of the Canucks organization has blamed the refs for their utter collapse, said he would not be taking his brother Daniel with him. This didn’t sit well with the other Sedin twin.
“He at least could’ve asked my opinion,” said Daniel. “Diving is a solitary sport. I think Henny and I would make a wonderful synchronized swimming pair.”