The Texas Rangers can’t get rid of bad pitching as fast as they can bad fashion choices.

The Texas Rangers hired fashion consultant Tim Gunn, host of “Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style,” to help control the fallout caused by their new, ugly batting helmets. Gunn simply took the lid off the trash can and filled it with those helmets, then suggested the team return to the blue helmets from last season.

“Those red and blue helmets, what can I say,” Gunn said, “looked like someone, perhaps a Chicago White Sox fan, wearing socks with sandals.”

Rangers’ owner Tom Hicks told reporter that although absorbing the cost of the newly designed helmets hurt, at least somebody in the organization made a decision.

“I’m hoping Mike Maddux saw what happened,” Hicks said about the Rangers new pitching coach. “We’ve got the same bad relief pitchers we had five years ago, and we need to clean the slate.”

The Rangers still have Frank Francisco, C.J. Wilson, and Eddie Guardado, who they have surrounded with retreads Brandon Donnelly and Derrick Turnbow.

Turnbow was last effective in 2005 with Milwaukee while Donnelly was decent with the Los Angeles Angels as of four years ago. At least they have a past worth talking about, unlike Wilson and Francisco, who are still looking for a season to hang their careers upon.

“I gotta admit, Gunn shot straight and got rid of those helmets,” Maddux said. “But the difference is that at least we had some helmets to throw away.”


heckler editorial staff