Sunday, June 26, 2022

Horrified CSN viewers beg ESPN Radio to hire back Harry Teinowitz

Comcast Sports Nets phone lines were flooded Thursday evening after former ESPN Chicago radio personality Harry Teinowitz appeared on SportsTalk Live. Viewers reported instances of fainting, shock and general feelings of horror upon seeing Teinowitz for the first time.

ESPN adds new Yankees-Red Sox channel

“Once again, ESPN has broken new ground in sports programming,” said a network spokesperson. “The interest in these two teams is overwhelming among the only demographic that counts, the northeast United States.”

Tale of the Tape: Horse racing Randy Moss vs. NFL Randy Moss

Because of the stark contrast between two sports figures named Randy Moss, we here at The Heckler thought it would be fun to do a Tale of the Tape to determine just who the greatest Randy Moss is - the reporter or the cocky NFL receiver.

Chicago media can’t remember what they asked Hawks players about before streak

“Do you, um … like hockey?” one reporter asked a confused Patrick Kane. Several minutes of awkward silence followed, until somebody finally asked Kane if he remembered the streak.

Skip Bayless wrong for record 1 billionth time

ESPN columnist and TV personality Skip Bayless made history today when he asserted that the Indianapolis Colts regret drafting Andrew Luck. This random and completely unfounded observation marks the 1,000,000,000th time in Bayless' career that he was blatantly wrong.

ESPN sues Jets for not playing Tebow enough

The stage was set for another miracle by Timothy "Jesus" Tebow under the bright lights of Monday Night Football. Only, the Jets didn't get the memo. ESPN has filed for a multi-billion dollar lawsuit against the Jets for not playing Tim Tebow enough against the Texans Monday night.

Desperate ESPN photoshops Tebow’s face onto Mars rover pic

"What you're looking at is a live feed of Tim Tebow's visage on the surface of Mars," said ESPN football analyst Adam Schefter. "Wow. This is definitely going to create a QB controversy here in the Milky Way ... and also at Jets camp."