Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Manning to go take a nap at Disney World if he wins Super Bowl

After making the fourth Super Bowl of his storied career, 39-year-old Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning has told reporters that he is excited for an opportunity to take home a second title, promising that, if he were to win, he would be going to Disney World, where he would promptly "take a nice, long nap."

Papa John’s, Nationwide ask Manning for refunds after loss to Colts

Founder "Papa" John Schnatter said pizza sales during the game plunged 20 percent after the Colts took an early 7-point lead, and declined 63 percent by the middle of the fourth quarter.

Brett Favre comes out of retirement to regain all-time touchdown record

"If we're being completely honest, I've been looking for a convenient excuse to get back out there on the field and show these kids what a real quarterback looks like."

Mustached Peyton Manning burns down Omaha, Nebraska

Though details are currently sketchy, numerous sources are saying that the fire seems to have been set intentionally and maliciously by Peyton Manning, wearing a fake mustache in an unsuccessful attempt to hide his identity.

Super Bowl continues to be delayed, pending arrival of Broncos

"Maybe they got caught in a traffic jam on a bridge or something," said New Jersey governor Chris Christie. "It's been known to happen from time to time."

80% of Americans plan to wait until Super Bowl hits Netflix or Amazon Prime

"Maybe Netflix will release all the Super Bowls at once, including this year's," said avid House of Cards fan and casual sports watcher Mike Benson. "That would be great. I could binge them all in two days."

Super Bowl XLVIII Bingo — Seahawks vs. Broncos

Play along as the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos do battle on the biggest stage of them all, except for the halftime stage, of course.