"Should this vile media be released, we will find no recourse but to enact swift, powerful justice upon those responsible," Raiders owner and supreme leader Mark Davis said in a team-issued statement lambasting the potential release of 2014 Raiders games to a national audience. "Such an act of defamation will not be met idly."
Carl Weathers, master thespian and former Oakland Raider, watches every NFL game from his man cave to compile his weekly Power Rankings exclusively for Heckler readers. Mr. Weathers, despite playing only eight career NFL games, was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1980.
With the team going through yet another dismal season, it’s harder than ever for fans to dig deep and do what they do best, which is dress up in crazy outfits and gang tackle innocent men and women foolish enough to wear the other team's colors, or yellow SECURITY jackets, to home games.
"While the Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders both have rabid fan bases and plenty of experience as franchises, the other bubble teams just look a bit more relevant heading into the season," said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.
“I can’t express how great it feels to throw my second career no-hitter," said Lincecum. "I’d especially like to thank the people that helped me along the way, namely my teammates, my coaches and the guys at 420 Farmacy in Boulder who scored me a nickel bag of Black Bart’s Acapulco Woodbine right after I had just run out of Mystic Mountain Schnozzberry Kush.”
“Shaq was the face of the NBA for years. So why can’t he become the face of the Kings?” Stern said on NBA TV. “However, I will not allow him to rename the team. No way will they be called the Sacramento Shaq Daddies.”