Friday, March 31, 2023

Mike Williams drops self from fantasy team

Following an epiphany, Tampa Bay wide receiver Mike Williams completely removed himself from his own fantasy roster today. Realizing that only 2 percent of all Yahoo! Fantasy League owners were still starting the maligned wide receiver, Williams placed himself on waiver wires.

Albert Haynesworth to compete for Team USA in Olympic couch-sitting

"I'm really good at eating pork rinds," Haynesworth noted. "I'm glad somebody finally can put my skills to use. I'd like to show the world how good Americans are at watching TV and eating snacks."

NFL to honor America’s vets by not forcing them to watch Dolphins-Bucs on Monday...

The game on ESPN between two teams in varying degrees of turmoil will be replaced by a commercial-free showing of "Saving Private Ryan."

Lovie Smith given second chance to miss playoffs 5 of next 6 years

“I’m extremely excited for the opportunity,” Smith said in an introductory press conference. “To take this team to water, then not allow them to drink is something I greatly look forward to.”

McCown to QB for Bears and Bucs Sunday

“I owe it to my former teammates,” explained McCown. “They didn’t do anything to deserve this awful season, so I thought I’d help them out. “

NFL tries to lure Jameis Winston to draft with promise of ‘free’ crab legs

"We have finalized the catering for the event, and there will be a whole mess of crab legs there from Shaw's. And if someone, say a Heisman Trophy winner with a history of controversy, were to take some extras home with him? Well, we made sure our event staff knows to let that happen. Heck, we're encouraging our attendees to take all the leftovers they can carry," said Goodell.

Jameis Winston adjusting to speed of NFL crime

"That's definitely been the biggest adjustment for me. It really came as a shock at first, but if you think about it, it makes sense," Winston told reporters assembled at Buccaneers minicamp. "In college, good teams might have six or seven potential NFL criminals, but once you get to the league, even the 53rd guy on the roster can be a top-level criminal."