With word reaching NFL officials that projected number one draft pick, quarterback Jameis Winston, does not plan on attending the 2015 NFL Draft, league personnel are scrambling to convince the Florida State star to change his mind through a variety of incentives that range from a free room at the Chicago Hilton to all the free crab legs he could ever desire.

“It is not appropriate at this time to discuss the matter,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “But I do know we have finalized the catering for the event, and there will be a whole mess of crab legs there from Shaw’s. And if someone, say a Heisman Trophy winner with a history of controversy, were to take some extras home with him? Well, we made sure our event staff knows to let that happen. Heck, we’re encouraging our attendees to take all the leftovers they can carry.”

Those close to Winston say the lure of an unlimited shellfish buffet catered specifically to the NFL hopeful definitely makes his decision more difficult, but add that the crab legs would need to be “out of this world” to make up for having to shake Roger Goodell’s hand and pretend to like him for a televised moment.

Jeff GoodSmith