St. Louis

A few days after it was unveiled outside his restaurant, the statue of Albert Pujols was spotted running for the Amtrak station in St. Louis to catch a midnight train to Anaheim.

Employing the same formula that brought them championships in 1997 and 2003, the Miami Marlins announced that they have signed free agents Albert Pujols, Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle and Ryan Madson and immediately began planning the fire sale that has shortly followed those two World Series titles.

Cardinals fans are blowing up Twitter today, voicing their displeasure at Albert Pujols, the "trader" first baseman who signed a 10-year contract with the "Angles" today.

“I could have donated them, but I didn’t feel like dragging them all to the Brown Elephant,” Vaughn said.“ Looks like my only hope for a profitable 2012 would be if the Cubs could sign Yu Darvish.”

The Cardinals reportedly lost their superstar Albert Pujols to the Angels because the pious first baseman believed the religiously named team was actually owned by God. There's no word on whether Pujols is now aware the team is actually owned by billboard magnate Arte Moreno, but should he find out and have him sour on the decision, it's too late now as the deal has already been signed.

"I'll be able to call the guys anytime to get them to warm up or even shoot them a text if I feel like it," said Matheny. "The girl at the Verizon store even showed me how to set up a group so I can send them all the same message."

"There simply is not enough talent, after this off-season, to remain in the major leagues," said Selig. "One team is liable to make the playoffs with 70 wins."