A few days after it was unveiled outside his restaurant, the statue of Albert Pujols was spotted running through downtown St. Louis in the middle of the night. When asked where it was going, the statue claimed to simply be “out for a walk, that’s all.”

Upon further inspection, however, the statue was caught clutching a bronzed train ticket to Anaheim.

“Oh this?” it scoffed. “That’s just a little souvenir I found … why would I go to Chicago? I mean Anaheim! The point is that I just want to see what’s out there. I’ll totally be back in the morning and for years to come.”

Heckler George