Thursday, March 28, 2024

No deal: Urlacher only leaning toward Minnesota because knees won’t bend any other way

"I tried leaning south, but I've completely lost the range of motion," Urlacher lamented, referring to his balky knees. "If someone could just pick me up and spin me, I'd be able to lean toward Denver or maybe even a team on the East Coast."

Timberwolves sign Scottie Pippen out of retirement

"He can bring a veteran presence to our team, as long as he doesn't break a hip," said Rick Adelman, coach of the Timberwolves.

Big Ten Football changes divison names to Lackluster and Lousy to better reflect level...

In response to a very boring year and Northwestern being relevant for the Rose Bowl, Big Ten Football has announced a name change for their Leaders and Legends Divisions: the Lousy and Lackluster Divisions.

Vikings legend Joe Kapp signs with Golden Boy Promotions

"Get ready, boxing world. Injun Joe is coming your way," said Oscar De La Hoya, CEO of Golden Boy Promotions. "As soon as I saw him throw that right cross in the video, I had to sign him!"

Bears honored to be playing in McNabb’s final game

“It should be amazing,” said linebacker Lance Briggs. “You grow up dreaming about putting a career-ending hit on a great quarterback, but you never really think it will happen, you know?”

Budweiser not all that proud to bring you Vikings or Colts, NFL sponsor clarifies

“‘Proud’ does not accurately reflect the feelings of our company’s owners and management when we see the on-field play of the Vikings and Colts,” the memo says. “At best, the emotion could be described as ‘mild discomfiture’.”

McNabb’s dismal Week 1 performance blamed on lack of Campbell’s Chunky soups

After his disastrous first week with the Minnesota Vikings, the Campbell's soup company blamed the performance of starting quarterback and former soup spokesperson Donovan McNabb on his decision to change soup brands from Campbell's Chunky to Progresso.