Monday, June 5, 2023

Tigers sign 285-pound albatross

"Anytime you can get a talent like Prince, you go out and do it," said Tigers manager Jim Leyland. "Sure, his rotund frame might break down in three or four years, but I'll be long retired by then anyway."

Verlander ejected from annual Tiger Wiffle ball game for ‘whipping it’

"Everyone knows 'that guy,'" said the guest, who was not in the game at the time but could see what was happening from Inge's grilling area. "Wiffle ball is supposed to be a hitter's game with pitchers throwing junk to get outs. Then one guy starts firing it and the game falls apart."

Yankees reportedly devastated after being eliminated by ‘third-class’ Tigers

"It is just disgusting that we lost to these bums," said Rodriguez. "Their payroll is only $100 million. What is this, 1999? Talk about living below the poverty line. They can't even afford personal assistants for their batboys."

Verlander to pitch every inning for Tigers the rest of the playoffs

"Earlier this week I said Justin was done for the series, but that was before we gave up 10 runs Tuesday night," said Leyland. "He's all we've got right now so we're going to win or lose this thing by riding on Justin's arm."

Verlander, Tigers throw first negative-hit game in history against Sox

In the second inning of Detroit's 5-0 win, catcher Tyler Flowers swung so hard at a changeup from Verlander that he spun around quickly four times as the ball was crossing the plate.

Great American pastime rocked by foreign player named ‘Benoit’

The sport of baseball, heralded as an American pastime invented by and for Americans, was knocked on its rear end today when a Major League pitcher named “Benoit” representing the great American city of Detroit relieved Justin Verlander.