As Alex Rodriguez whiffed to end the his team’s postseason Thursday night he and his Yankees teammates immediately felt shameful for having been eliminated by the Detroit Tigers, a team the Bronx Bombers reportedly consider “third class.”

“It is just disgusting that we lost to these bums,” said Rodriguez. “Their payroll is only $100 million. What is this, 1999? Talk about living below the poverty line. They can’t even afford personal assistants for their batboys.”

Team captain Derek Jeter tried to take the high road, but even in doing so it was clear he felt the Tigers were beneath his squad.

“You have to tip your hat to the Tigers considering the type of conditions they’re forced to play in,”  said Jeter. “They don’t have a stadium that cost $1.5 billion and opened just two years ago like we do. Their stadium was built more than a decade ago and is named after what I believe is a chain of dry cleaners, but again, you have to tip your hat to them. They played a great series for a team that had very little expectations when the season began.”