Steve Stone admits he hasn’t understood a word Hawk has said since day one
"I was just guessing as to what those phrases meant, and tried to use his body language as a barometer to judge whether the phrase was a result of something good, or something bad," said Stone.
Romo has ‘awesome dream’ about only being sacked 24 times in Bears game
"Obviously the number will be closer to 50 or 60," he said. "But a guy can dream, right? I mean maybe their entire line will forget to board the plane, and then their linebackers will only get to me a handful of times a series."
Jake Peavy out of cliches
In a stunning development, White Sox pitcher Jake Peavy revealed today he will stop talking to reporters because he has run out of catchy, folksy cliches.
Real NFL refs enjoy last few hours of being revered by fans
"It's been a fun ride," said veteran ref Ed Hochuli. "I haven't found one flaming bag of dog feces on my front step all year long. Unfortunately, that's about to change."
MNF Showdown: Cutler and Romo battle for title of ‘America’s Second Most Hated QB’
"Right now, the nation really can't stand either one of them," said ESPN analyst Chris Mortensen. "Who can rise to the occasion and leapfrog past the other to become only the second most loathed quarterback in the country remains to be seen."
Cubs to offer simulated ‘Wrigley Playoff Experience’
"Well, most of the time, the fans seated at the ballpark rarely worry about actually seeing the game in progress, so we thought why not capitalize on that?"
Possible end to NFL ref lockout has Ed Hochuli scrambling to get back in...
"I thought for sure we had until like November or something," said a wheezing, exhausted Hochuli as he attempted to finish a third minute on the treadmill. "God, why did I eat so many damn meatball subs?"
