Veteran NFL referee and noted physical fitness enthusiast Ed Hochuli thought the lockout would last much longer, and is now scrambling to drop the nearly 100 pounds he gained while enjoying his time away from the game.
“I thought for sure we had until like November or something,” said a wheezing, exhausted Hochuli as he attempted to finish a third minute on the treadmill. “God, why did I eat so many damn meatball subs?”
Hochuli, who may be forced into action as soon as this Sunday, has even lost his trademark biceps.
“The man boobs are one thing, but if I can’t take fans to the gun show every time I make a call, is it even worth the lockout being over?”