Monday, September 27, 2021

Cubs sign 5th starter

The Cubs' offseason heated up literally and figuratively Thursday with the addition of a burning trash receptacle that will be the team's fifth starting pitcher when the season hopefully gets started sometime before the end of 2021.

Heckler Podcast: 7-time Jeopardy! champion Brian Chang

A Very Important Podcast by The Heckler is back! Today's guest is Brian Chang, a friend of Brad's who recently wrapped up a seven-game winning streak on Jeopardy! during which he netted $163,904 in prize money. Only about 30 other people have had a streak like that in the history of the show.

KB clarifies: Baseball isn’t fun when you hit .206

A minor controversy erupted Thursday when Cubs 3B Kris Bryant was quoted as saying baseball isn't fun for him anymore. He later clarified his comments, saying they were taken out of context.

Bears unable to find Jimmy Graham after game-ending TD

"Yeah, it's true," said head coach Matt Nagy. "Jimmy left the field right after that play and we're not sure where he wound up."

Cubs fans beg team to trade Todd Ricketts next

As the Cubs' apparent sell-off of 2020 continues, fans are pleading with Jed Hoyer to make part-owner Todd Ricketts the next member of the team to be shipped out of town.

Cubs look to hire bad Harry Caray impersonating twins to replace Len Kasper

"Our budget constraints are forcing us to think outside the box to find Len's replacement."

Todd Ricketts awarded Medal of Freedom and honorary doctorate from Trump University

"President Trump awarded me an honorary doctorate from his esteemed university," said Ricketts. "From now on, call me Dr. Todd Ricketts."