With Ramirez gone, Brenly searching for new player to rag on every day
“I’m sure gonna miss A-Ram. He was generous in giving me plenty material to criticize. From the lackadaisical way he ran the bases to his lazy fielding to his stupid haircut, he always gave me something to critique,” said a beer-swigging Brenly.
Ricketts reportedly considering buying Jordan’s home as a ‘fixer-upper’
"We paid nearly $1 billion for the lowly Cubs and their dumpy stadium," said Ricketts. "So what's $29 million for a huge mansion that clearly needs a little work."
Aramis unaware he’s been on a new team since December
Criticism that Aramis Ramirez is a distant and aloof teammate who fails to make any sort of connection with teammates or fans was reaffirmed last weekend when the third baseman reported to spring training for the first time as a Milwaukee Brewer, yet seemed completely unaware he was on a new team.
Soriano left out of Cubs bunting tournament, invited to bunt-off NIT
“I realize that I’ve only been around Cubs camp for a couple of weeks, but I’ve seen Tim Buss bunt and he’s like a present day Brett Butler,” said Sveum. “Soriano can’t hold his jock when it comes to bunting, or fielding for that matter, but that’s a different story.”
Kerry Wood drills Starlin Castro after he’s caught fooling around with Wood’s sister
If Starlin Castro keeps this up, he’s going to begin to develop a bad reputation. Already having had problems with women from earlier this year, Castro got into trouble with another yet another one.
Cubs bunting contest enters exciting 10th week
"We need to be experts at bunting because we're going to do nothing but try to bunt our way on every at-bat this season," asked Sveum, motioning toward his band of hapless hitters. "Have you seen the way some of these guys can hit?"
‘Totally normal’ guy at party telling everyone he owns Cubs turns out to be...
"He looked totally normal so I figured he was a tax accountant. Maybe a trial lawyer," said Stanley. "I figured he was lying when he told me he owns the Cubs, but I Googled him on my phone and sure enough he does. Who knew?"
