Attendees at a Chicago charity outing this weekend were surprised to find out a fellow party-goers who told everyone he owned the Cubs turned out to actually be the team’s billionaire owner Tom Ricketts.
“I go to a lot of these things and everyone’s always trying to outdo each other with their braggadocios stories,” said Phillip Stanley, a Chicago socialite, “but this Ricketts guy seemed totally normal, far from what I expect a billionaire baseball team owner to be like.”
Stanley said before learning who Ricketts was, he was trying to impress the Cubs by talking about his middle-management job at JP Morgan Chase. When he asked Ricketts what he did, he didn’t get the reply he was expecting.
“He looked totally normal so I figured he was a tax accountant. Maybe a trial lawyer,” said Stanley. “I figured he was lying when he told me he owns the Cubs, but I Googled him on my phone and sure enough he does. Who knew?”
Female attendees at the breast cancer awareness outing held at Navy Pier were surprised to learn that despite being a billionaire who has complete access to Wrigley Field, Ricketts didn’t try to pick them up or schedule a sleazy late-night hookup session in the Cubs dugout.
“Jeez, whenever you meet some rich guy at one of those parties they’re always trying to take you home or pressuring you to go have sex at their suburban Toyota dealership,” said Sandra Daffron, a 26-year-old from Lincoln Park. “But Ricketts didn’t try any of that. In fact, I think he maintained eye contact the whole time we talked, not once even trying to look at my boobs. What a weirdo.”