In a shocking move sure to have impact throughout the league, the Raiders have decided to shore up their offense by adding Rex Grossman, the former Bears, Texans and now Redskins QB, to their lineup in exchange for their first-round draft picks from 2014-2017.
"I'm just so, so happy!" Redskins owner Daniel Snyder shouted while dancing at Fur sporting oversized neon Wayfarers and double fisting Pellegrino after Washington's OT loss at home to the Cowboys. "We almost won! We almost won! Tom and Katie should have been at [Sunday's] game!"
"I'm really good at eating pork rinds," Haynesworth noted. "I'm glad somebody finally can put my skills to use. I'd like to show the world how good Americans are at watching TV and eating snacks."
"RG3 fared very well," said Redskins owner Dan Snyder. "But this new and improved model is even faster and more dynamic. In addition to laser-precision passing, he actually shoots lasers out of his eyes at opponents. Frankly, it's quite an upgrade."
"We admit it -- the last name was just 'not right' as so many people have claimed," said Snyder. "Is the team from Seattle or something? Washington simply wasn't clear enough."
Kirk Cousins really nervous after getting simultaneous Facebook friend requests from Snyder, Shanahan and...
Although the Redskins were expected to contend for a division title this year, the season has seen double-digit losses and constant infighting between Snyder, Shanahan and RG3. A nervous Cousins addressed the situation.
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