Within minutes of finding out that the US patent and trademark office had denied Daniel Snyder the naming rights for his football team, the Washington Redskins, the oft-criticized team owner applied for a name for his team. Moving forward, Snyder hopes that the team once known by the horribly offensive moniker of Redskins can now be called the “Scalper Warriors who do battle with the spirit warriors of the Cowboy, Giant and Eagle Tribes.”

For years, groups ranging from Congress to Native-American Indian civil rights groups have asked Snyder to change his team’s nickname. As defiant as possible, Snyder refused, right up until the Patent and Trademark office finally told him the team’s blatently racist nickname was unacceptable.

In a statement released to the media, a humbled Daniel Snyder, who himself filed for a personal name change so he could now be called by his new name “Big Chief Crazy Bitcoin” addressed the media;

“Fellow peoples of the beltway, after a Vision Quest I no longer want to own a football team with a prejudiced, disparaging nickname. However I still want to pay respects to the honor and culture of all our brothers. That is why we will now be known as the Pow-Wow Bighorn Touchdown tossers.”

After the patent office denied Snyder’s next request to name his team the Hachet-Packing Maize Munchers of the Northern Virginia Territories, Snyder filed yet another petition.

Although he hadn’t heard back from the patent office, an upbeat Snyder remained confident that he could start selling merchandise soon to honor the “Fire-Water Pueblo People of Wounded NFC.”