With the enthusiasm of an accountant at a chapter 13 hearing, Sandberg told Cubs.com that he is committed to learning to speak in sentences of more than six words in length, show a hint of a reflection in his otherwise monotone voice, and flash an occasional smile.
"From the bottom of my heart, I'd like to apologize to my coaches, teammates and fans for my extremely unbecoming behavior," said Cooper. "I sincerely regret my extremely questionable decision to attend a recent Kenny Chesney concert."
During the team's meeting with Reid today, they brought in 10 racks of ribs from Gates BBQ, an entire pig roast from Three Little Pigs BBQ, eight pounds of brisket from the Golden Ox, and a trough full of pulled pork from Arthur Bryant's Barbecue.
As part of the contract, the Cubs are responsible for all shipping costs, whereas the Phillies will have the task of putting the pieces back together in their preferred manner.
The question remains whether the Big East realizes that these are not actual institutions of higher learning with athletic programs, but their interest in them should be of no surprise – it’s money.
"Well, I had to throw Philly a bone and give them a game in prime time they could win," he said. "Plus it gives us a new game to market. With any luck, the 2012 Irrelevance Bowl will be at least twice as popular as the 2012 Pro Bowl."
"I know I've done some bad things to dogs in the past," Vick said. "But I just can't get enough of the little guy's unconditional love. Whenever I fill up my plate for dinner, he gets under my legs and I trip and fumble my food and he gobbles it right up."