Browns

In an unprecedented trade, the hapless Cleveland Browns have swapped four first-round draft picks and “a body of water to be named later” in exchange for the second pick in this year’s NFL draft—currently...

Team names are fun, but they don't always accurately reflect a franchise's players and fans. Here at The Heckler, we've created a few alternate names and logos that are more descriptive of the teams they represent.

“I know I’ve pretty much outlived my usefulness in pro football,” the 31-year-old signal caller said. “But being exiled to a team that’s averaged four wins each year since 1999, no joke, I could last another 5-6 years in this league."

"This is amazing!" said Stan Grokowski, wearing a No. 19 Bernie Kosar jersey while walking along the Browns parade route on Euclid Ave. "Sure, we're winless, but we're still in first place. Do you have any idea how great that feels?"

Sure, Peyton has Sirius XM and Papa John's. Brady has Under Armour. Even Jadaveon Clowney just signed a deal with Puma. But none of them have an exclusive multi-year deal with the frat house that brought you last year’s sickest party, the Kegasaurus Ice Luge Bro-Down Foam Body Shot Spring-Fling Vodkaritaville Lost Weekend.

Previous recipients played an entire season through unbelievable adversity. However, none of those people could hold a candle to the man who was able to hang like a rock star in Vegas getting drunk on the back of an inflatable swan, all the while never missing a single OTA.

The man now dubbed "Johnny Hero" jumped off of his inflatable party swan, grabbed the girl’s T-One Mobile Sidekick away from her and then -- while in mid-air -- found time to take a picture of himself giving his patented cash money sign, all before safely landing on a pile of rolled up hundreds he had misplaced earlier in the evening.