Friday, September 30, 2022

Cubs count Tuesday’s rainout as victory so they can take three-game series from Reds

After Jeff Samardzija absolutely dominated the Reds during Wednesday night’s 3-1 victory in the Queen City, Cubs manager Dale Sveum declared that the Cubs were ecstatic to take a series from their divisional rival.

Walt Jocketty to be screened for dyslexia after puzzling moves building Reds lineup

Reds fan are gearing up for an exciting 2012 season. However, after spending $8.5 million on a closer, Dr. Webb a Cincinnati-based dyslexia specialist was intrested into looking into one of his favorite patients: Reds GM Walt Jocketty.

Suge Knight hires Xavier hoops team as bodyguards

“When I heard Tu Holloway talk after that game, I knew these were my guys,” said Knight when interviewed by reporters. “When I heard him talk about how they’re a bunch of ‘gangstas’ and how they liked to zip people up, I knew they were going to become my next Ice Unit.”

Palmer’s reemergence in NFL causes fantasy woes

Following Palmer's trade to the Raiders, fantasy owners everywhere scurried to either add him to an already mediocre stable of quarterbacks or to persuade league competitors that Palmer is a much more lucrative pickup than a middling running back, up and coming wide receiver, or second kicker.

Fantasy Report: How does Jerome Simpson’s massive marijuana shipment impact your fantasy league?

"Simpson's career might be up in smoke and I just wish he would have thought of all his fantasy owners before making such a stupid decision," wrote Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Football Reporter Cody Findlay.

Fantasy Report: How should Cedric Benson’s habit of getting drunk and punching people impact...

"I would proceed with caution both when approaching a most likely intoxicated Benson in an Austin bar and when considering drafting him for my fantasy league," said Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Football Reporter Cody Findlay. "He's a bit of a wild card, both drunk and sober."

Marty Brennaman calls sixth consecutive adversary ‘The most disliked team in baseball’

Marty Brennaman has been making other bold statements on behalf of the general public, saying such things as “People hate corn. Corn is the most hated vegetable,” and “Jim and Pam, Ross and Rachel, people have rooted against couples like this for ages.”