Reds fan are gearing up for an exciting 2012 season. However, after spending $8.5 million on a closer, Dr. Webb a Cincinnati-based dyslexia specialist was intrested into looking into one of his favorite patients: Reds GM Walt Jocketty.

“Watching Jocketty build his lineup, all the signs of dyslexia were there,” Webb advised. “He has absolutely no offense other than Joey Votto and Pokey Reese or whoever is playing second base now of days.”

Webb thought that since the team’s starting lineup has names like Chris Heisy, Ryan Hannigan, Zack Cozart and Drew Stubbs that its obvious that a general manager would get an offensive threat, before working on the bullpen.

“When I saw the trade for Marshall I understood that, we weren’t out of any money, but then to sign Ryan Madson. What the hell?” Webb asked. “Don’t we have to score runs and prevent runs before we can win games? At least we have the guy who steals shirts in the starting rotation. That will be an exciting story line.”

Jocketty angerly denied the report.

“This is my team, not some crazy doctor’s,” said Jocketty. “In Drew Stubbs we have an outfielder who hit 205 RBIs and 44 K’s, and by the way I will spend $5.8 million on whoever I want to!”

Jocketty was told Stubbs’ actual 2011 stat line was 205 K’s, 44 RBI’s and $8.5 million.

“Oh no not again,” said Jocketty. “That’s what cost me the Cardinals gig.”