Wow. What a year to launch a new baseball network, a time when the nation is in crisis and major league baseball is on hiatus.

As recently reported by The Heckler, the Cubs announced programming for when the team isn’t playing. However, the suspension of MLB play provides a new programming challenge.

In lieu of MLB suspending play until further notice, management at the new Cubs Marquee Network have come up with a juicy alternative to replace Cubs games.

“Not easy, but I think we have developed exceptional programs to replace the temporary void in Cubs baseball,” Mike McCarthy, GM of the network said. “I’ll cut to the chase. Here is the lineup.”

Yu’s Kitchen
Yu Darvish shares some of the best Japanese recipes around. Darvish will be backed by former Cubs outfielder Kosuke Fukudome, who will spell the pitcher in case he goes on the DL with a burnt hand from a kitchen accident.

Mark Grace: We’ll Make it Better
While not a clinical psychologist, MLB’s 1990’s leader in most hits and doubles has experienced enough personal challenges to provide forensic life strategies for those seeking council. A call-in format, considering the mental state of Cub fans, the show will be three hours in length.

The 1969 Cubs
Hosted by Cub great Randy Hundley, catcher on the 1969 team that blew a huge lead in August and September to the Mets, the focus of the show will be the self-flagellation of the team’s members and coaches.

Former ’69 Cubs Fergie Jenkins, Glenn Beckert and Phil “The Vulture” Regan are expected to provide insight about how the team crapped the bed down the stretch. In addition, they’ll spend several minutes during each show “Mother Fucking” hated manager Leo Durocher.