The much-anticipated and sure-to-be-beloved Marquee Sports (really, Cubs, just Cubs) Network is up and running for the 2020 season. All the games, all the Len & J.D. and all the advanced analytics a Cub fan could possibly desire without having to go to confession! But those games only cover so many hours of the day and subscribers must be asking what they’ll be watching when the Cubs aren’t playing. Luckily the intrepid Heckler staff has uncovered the complete network program grid, here are some of the highlights:

1. The Kyle Hendricks Comedy Cavalcade & Burlesque Hour
It’s like Very Cavallari meets Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (minus Jay Cutler, thankfully).

2. Jason Marquis Doesn’t Pitch Here Anymore
A “where are they now” style reality series featuring the ex-Cub great (if you consider a 23-18 record/4.57 ERA with the team great. Some do. They really do).

3. Random “Classic” Games
Get ready to relive some great memories like a random 1985 Cubs/Reds game where Harry Caray was drunker than any fan in the stands and the Cincy manager was making some suspicious substitutions and pitching changes!

4. The Bachelor: Beer Goggles of Love
This reality show features a bro full of alcohol, hot dogs and peanuts in the bleachers attempting to make that love connection from a group of single ladies. Who will get the last Budweiser Rose? Let’s find out together!
Angels & Astros game reruns – Simply for the nostalgia of seeing Joe Maddon at his new job and jeering Dusty Baker as he leaves Justin Verlander in a game despite the ace being at 145 pitches and begging to come out.

5. Bad Harry Caray Impersonator Reads Letters From Angry Fans Who Can’t Watch The Marquee Network
Upset your cable carrier doesn’t offer Marquee? Write a pissed-off letter to the Cubs that’ll be read by a terrible Harry Caray impersonator so the few thousand people who have the network can have a good laugh at your expense. Bonus points if the letter is in Comic Sans! 

Patrick Olson