Following another full season of touchdowns scored across the country, God has issued a decree asking football players to kindly stop thanking him every time they cross the goal line.
“While I recognize the significance of each and every of the thousands of touchdowns scored every season, football players should not feel as though they need to thank me for them,” said God. “Perhaps one blanket thank-you from each team per season would be sufficient.”
God added that the time required to acknowledge each touchdown thank-you has caused bandwidth issues with his prayer-receiving communication device.
“The ol’ Prayerbot 2000 is a little outdated and simply doesn’t have the capacity to handle all the touchdown thank-yous and the many other prayers I’m being sent from across the globe,” said God. “And in case you haven’t noticed, things on Earth are a little jacked-up these days so I’ve been getting a lot of prayers sent my way.”
God did clarify that he is still happy to receive thank-yous from kickers after field goals and extra points.
“Those scrawny little dudes are just lucky they’re able to do something other than play soccer or ride horses at the Kentucky Derby,” said God. “So yes, they can keep thanking me every time they do something good on a football field.”
