From the moment the Seattle Seahawks capped an improbable comeback against the Green Bay Packers in the NFC Championship Game, national media outlets have ignored the team, instead spending all their time investigating whether the New England Patriots improperly deflated footballs en route to Super Bowl XLIX.
“It seems like all anybody cares about is scandal and cheating,” said Seahawks QB Russell Wilson. “So, we decided to invent a little drama of our own by injecting ourselves with steroids during Wednesday’s press conference. Unfortunately, the needles just reminded the reporters of air pumps, and they decided to ask us how we felt about the whole ‘DeflateGate’ thing again.”
Added Wilson: “I guess you have to be Bill Belichick or Tom Brady for the media to care about your integrity.”
Seattle head coach Pete Carroll, emboldened by the lack of attention paid to his own team’s conduct, has instructed his players to take any and all means necessary to win the big game.
“Steroids, amphetamines, tiny razors protruding from various parts of our jerseys,” he said. “As long as we don’t deflate a football or wear blue and red, we can pretty much get away with anything out there. Except Marshawn [Lynch] of course. The league can’t stand him, but, again, he’s only one man.”