After losing to State Farm spokesperson Aaron Rodgers, Russell Wilson couldn't stand to support the insurance company, and proceeded to switch over to Allstate.
"It seems like all anybody cares about is scandal and cheating," said Seahawks QB Russell Wilson. "So, we decided to invent a little drama of our own by injecting ourselves with steroids during Wednesday's press conference. Unfortunately, the needles just reminded the reporters of air pumps, and they decided to ask us how we felt about the whole 'DeflateGate' thing."
"Maybe they got caught in a traffic jam on a bridge or something," said New Jersey governor Chris Christie. "It's been known to happen from time to time."
“Some fans still aren’t sold,” said Wilson. “I need to prove to them that not only does my play distinguish me from the rest, but my name as well. I was never attached to ‘Russell’ anyway.”
Upon investigation, however, the “robots” were found to be mostly goats and other wildlife sewn into scarecrows, with tape recorders that occasionally blurted “NO CATCH.”
"The free agent market for QBs next year is going to be tough," said Bielema. "We've got to maintain our tradition of bringing in standout athletes who for all intents and purposes are finished with their collegiate experience but for whatever reason have a season of eligibility and can play anywhere."