A day after Chiefs safety Husain Abdullah was mistakenly penalized for praying after scoring a touchdown in a Monday night rout of New England, God issued a statement letting all athletes know they do not need to try to communicate with HIm during sporting events of any kind.
“While I certainly appreciate the attention and dedication from my many followers of all callings, there is no need to attempt to speak with me while playing in an athletic competition,” said God. “I’ve really got my hands full up here with things like ISIS, climate change, racial unrest and vast crippling poverty around the globe so thanking me for allowing you to score a touchdown, win a NASCAR race or get drafted by the 76ers is just taking my time and attention away from far greater matters that need my full focus.”
“Oh, and Ebola. How the heck could I forget about Ebola?”
God said He was amused that Abdullah’s prayer penalty is being so vigorously compared to the behavior of Tim Tebow, a devout Christian who routinely knelt to say a quick prayer during games in the NCAA and NFL prior to being cut by the Jets in 2012.
“It’s no secret that Tim and I go way back, but sometimes he takes it a little too far,” said God. “He’s what we in religious circles call a cloud-noser.”
God said there might still a few occasions in which sports-related prayer might be worthwhile.
“I suppose that if you want to say a prayer for someone in sports, you could do it for the Patriots. They looked awful last night,” God added. “Or Roger Goodell. Is that guy clueless or what?”