Police were called to the Sheraton Chicago Hotel & Towers early Saturday morning when fans stumbling back to their rooms at 2 a.m. found the dead body of new Cubs mascot, Clark the Cub, on lower N. Water Street. Over the past week there had been much fan outrage surrounding the addition of a new mascot, but one voice was louder than the rest causing the Police to bring in Ronald “Woo-Woo” Wickers in for questioning. Wickers, who has been the Cubs unofficial mascot for nearly 30 years has let it be known he did not want to be replaced as the person most photographed with hot, drunk co-eds in the Budweiser Bleachers.
“During the Opening Ceremony last night, there was a mixture of cheers and boos when Clark was introduced,” said lifelong Cubs fan, Mike P. “But from the side of the room, there was a constant ‘Clark! BOO! Clark! Boo!'”
“Ronnie wasn’t his normal cheerful self last night, everyone could see it,” said WGN sports anchor Dave Kaplan. ” But I’ve know Ronnie for years, we’ve had drinks together, and I’d never expect something like this from him.”
While the cause of death has still to be determined, a source close to the matter said, “It look like he was hit on the head, over the backwards cap, with a blunt object, like a window squeegee.”