Five years ago, Champ the pitbull brutally killed NFL quarterback Michael Vick and six of his friends. But now that Champ has been released from the kennel and is the proud father of a litter of puppies, he has reportedly turned over a new leaf and is ready to be paired up with a new human owner.

“I’ve done my time and realize what a mistake it was to kill all those people,” Champ barked. “But c’mon, that was like five years ago! I’m a totally different dog now and I want my pups to experience the joy of having a human owner. Just because I made a small mistake by viciously abusing and murdering some humans, doesn’t mean my puppies should pay the price.”

Heckler George