The trials and tribulations of Ranger Josh Hamilton are well documented, but he has managed to turn his life around and become one of the greatest left-handed bats in the game today. Unfortunately, a deadline deal bringing Ryan Dempster into the fold has created undesired consequences, as Hamilton is now facing new demons, becoming addicted to unfunny comedy.

The Rangers created this debacle by sending Hamilton to the airport to welcome the new Ranger. Following a brief ride back from the airport, Hamilton exited the limousine wearing a Nolan Ryan jersey, spewing line after line about “letting pitchers stay in for 150 pitches” and “giving Robin Ventura a beat down.”

This incident, which wasn’t actually funny, went from stupid to creepy as Hamilton now wears funny glasses and plays with rubber chickens in the outfield.

Dempster released a statement to the media this morning: “I’m sorry for the problems I have created with Josh [Hamilton], but am more sorry that Arlington has to put up with me for the next three months. I promise to only do my routines on the weekends and wear silly suits on road trips.”

Brew Dreesus