His beard is weird, his stash is trash … but he doesn’t care, because John Tortorella’s graying playoff beard has landed him a lucrative endorsement deal.
The Rangers’ coach will appear in a string of “Just For Men” commercials starting this summer.
“I’m glad they signed me up now,” said a frustrated Tortorella after his team’s game four loss to Ottawa. “The playoffs might be over in a few days and I’m immediately shaving this shit off my face.”
Tortorella will join New York legends Walt Frazier and Keith Hernandez in his first commercial, replacing Cowboys great Emmitt Smith, who the company recently cut ties with for being “too dumb.”
Torts was told to come up with a facial hair-themed catch phrase, but was immediately shot down when he offered “You look like a god-damn asshole.” He will instead say the so-called “hockey themed”-rhyme, “Your bristles draw whistles.”
“Let me tell ya something, that’s a stupid catchphrase,” said the fiery Tortorella. “You won’t see that on a [blanking] T-shirt. Mine could have been the new “Where’s the Beef?”
The commercials will air in the tri-state area to start, with hopes they’d possibly expand to other markets depending on the amount of YouTube traffic each spot generates.