Inspired by the terrible job NHL officials are doing during the 2012 playoffs, friendless annoying little kid Bobby Phillips has been inspired to become a league referee someday when he’s old enough to make the kind of awful decisions that negatively impact the lives of players and fans on his own.
“Mommy and daddy don’t like to spend time alone with me so they usually just make me sit in front of the TV all day,” said Phillips, an extremely obnoxious nine year old. “I was watching hockey games and it’s so neat how the men in the black-and-white striped shirts blow their whistles whenever they want and make all the big guys in the colored shirts sit in the little glass box for doing nothing and then sometimes when the big guys in the colored shirts hit other guys in the colored shirts real hard in the face the men in the black-and-white shirts just look the other way and let it all happen. It is so cool!”
Prior to his NHL viewing experience, Phillips dreamed of becoming a representative for the IRS or maybe a mall cop, but now his mind is made up.
“I just love making other people have a really bad day,” said Phillips. “Sometimes when mommy and daddy aren’t looking I put baking soda in their morning coffee, but being one of the men in the black and white striped shirts who ruin everyone’s day at a hockey game would be even better. I can’t wait until I get to be one of those guys!”