The Los Angeles Angels quickly moved to void the 10-year, $254 million deal they handed Albert Pujols after a document surfaced from the Dominican Republic noting the slugger’s year of birth as 1966.
“We thought he might be a couple years older than 31 … but 45?” said Angels GM Jerry Dipoto. “No way. Even Mr. Moreno is not that crazy. The guy would be under contract five years after qualifying for an AARP card!”
Pujols claimed the certificate was clearly a fake.
“For starters, I was born in 1965, so right there you know it’s not real,” he said, before pausing, then quickly shaking his head. “I mean 1985! That’s what I meant! I’m actually only 26 and I never took steroids either, no matter what documents might come to light. Not that there are any. I’m just saying.”
Added Pujols: “I might be 25.”
By George Ellis. Photoshop by Kurt Evans