CC Sabathia and the Yankees are one game away from elimination, and CC Sabathia only has himself and a fictional naval commander to blame for it. During a post-game interview Monday night, a box of Peanut Butter Crunch, was visible in the hefty hurler’s locker, which led to his tearful admission that he was back on the Cap’n Crunch wagon.
“When the Cap’n calls, you answer,” Sabathia admitted in a post-game interview. “I’m a weak man, I knew it was a bad idea, but Shop Rite had Crunch Berries three for $5. That’s a deal of a lifetime.”
The five-and-one-third innings Sabathia pitched Monday night was his shortest outing of the season. He uncharacteristically walked six while striking out just three, and later admitted he had become complacent after the Yankees clinched the AL East on Sept. 22.
“I have no excuse, I messed up, and I apologize to my teammates,” Sabathia said. “There’s no doubt in my mind I would have pitched better without those three bowls in my belly.”
Sabathia famously credited his offseason weight loss to removing Cap’n Crunch from his diet. Whereas some players suffer with chemical dependencies, Sabathia was downing a box a day of the mouth shredding cereal, and it showed.
The Yankees plan to keep Sabathia on a strict sugar-free lockdown until the playoffs end, and will seek clinical help in the offseason to help their ace kick his habit.
“We just hope this doesn’t lead him to opt out of his contract,” said a concerned GM Brian Cashman. “Quaker Oats is based in Chicago and the Cubs and ChiSox might have some money to spend this offseason.”