Uninspired, dull, comatose and vanilla are adjectives that perhaps best describe Lovie Smith’s sideline demeanor. However, the normally stoic Bears head coach came out of his shell Sunday, summoning his inner Chad Ochocinco to encourage his players to “celebrate their asses off” following every TD. Devin Hester responded with a triple somersault after his second-quarter punt return touchdown while Marion Barber performed a back flip, nearly landing on his head, when he reached pay dirt in the fourth.

“When I was in Dallas, Coach [Wade] Phillips would tell me that the best way to recover from a strained calf or a torn quad was to do a couple back flips if I made it to the end zone,” said Barber. “I was kind of surprised Coach Smith agreed with that philosophy, but he was smiling from ear to ear and slapping my ass when I got to the sideline.”

Smith claims that his humdrum ways are a thing of the past and that every touchdown from his players for the rest of the season will include a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for overzealous celebration.

“If Roy Williams somehow scores a TD, I’m expecting a Fosbury Flop over the goalposts from him,” said Smith. “And Jay is our quadruple-cartwheeling, double-corkscrew with a one-and-a-half-flip quarterback.”

By Jeremy Barewin

Jeremy Barewin