Intoxicated by the success of his favorite baseball team and the 15 Miller Lites he consumed while watching them sweep the Cubs this weekend, Wisconsinite Andy Maliszewski made the bold claim Sunday afternoon that Midwestern state was the center of the sports universe at that very moment.

“Well, the Brewers have one of the best records in baseball and just swept the dirty Scrubbies out of town,” said Maliszewski, a 44-year-old unemployed factory worker. “And then obviously you have the world champion Green Bay Packers up in Titletown, USA., and you can’t forget the Badgers almost won the Rose Bowl this year.”

Maliszewski said those achievements alone should be enough to give merit to his claim, but he continued.

“The Marquette Golden Whatevers are always playing for an NCAA tourney berth, just like the Badgers basketball team,” said Maliszewski. “And I’m pretty sure the Badgers hockey teams are always right up there too. It’s just a damn shame the Bucks moved out of town a few years ago otherwise we’d have all our bases covered.”