"I'm sure Barry was a great coach back in the Stone Ages or whenever, but we're all a little concerned he's not with it anymore," said RB James White. "In practice all he keeps saying is how we've got to pound the ball up the middle 35 times a game with Ron Dayne, whoever that is."
"Well, thankfully they're the same colors, I don't have to waste time shopping. Ain't nobody got time for that," said Bielema. "It's an SEC school, so who cares if they've become even more of a joke while I'm there? I'd rather be a loser in the SEC than a winner by default in the Big Ten."
Congratulations go out to the Wisconsin Badgers, who emerged as the Big Ten's best football team that didn't trade tattoos for memorabilia or have a long-time coach emerge as a pedophile after retirement.
"Man, I've got this killer Sociology final coming up that I've been totally stressing over," said Martinez, who threw two picks in the losing effort.
In response to a very boring year and Northwestern being relevant for the Rose Bowl, Big Ten Football has announced a name change for their Leaders and Legends Divisions: the Lousy and Lackluster Divisions.
"Yes, Montee Ball's 38 touchdowns this season is very impressive," said ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit. "But Ball had nearly 300 touches this season. That's 240 times he didn't score. People need to remember that."
"The free agent market for QBs next year is going to be tough," said Bielema. "We've got to maintain our tradition of bringing in standout athletes who for all intents and purposes are finished with their collegiate experience but for whatever reason have a season of eligibility and can play anywhere."
12Page 1 of 2