The Rangers are set to face off against the San Francisco Giants in the World Series, but ultra-conservative Texas Gov. Rick Perry isn’t too excited about it. Here’s why:
10. He thinks the people of San Francisco might get the wrong impression when he shows up to the stadium in his trademark chaps.
9. According to the Texas Board of Education, San Francisco is actually part of France, and he doesn’t even have a valid passport.
8. What if someone at AT&T Park tries to make him eat sushi? That’s a sin, right?
7. He already promised Texas voters he would buy every one of them an authentic Philly cheese steak.
6. Former Rangers owner George W. Bush told him if a team from Nancy Pelosi’s home state wins, then so do the terrorists.
5. He heard a bizarre rumor that concealed weapons are prohibited at AT&T Park.
4. Wait, there are teams outside Texas? From … cities … outside Texas?
3. Baseball? He’s already fighting impeachment over the lackluster starts by the Cowboys and Longhorns.
2. Sarah Palin told him “Giants” spelled backwards is “Devil.”
1. Not nervous, just trigger-happy.