Cubs fan Brad Taylor experienced a strange sensation Monday when he woke up to find that not only had Mark McGwire finally admitted to using steroids, but the Cubs had made a decent offseason move in naming Greg Maddux an assistant to GM Jim Hendry.

“I feel the opposite of humiliation and despair,” said Taylor. “What’s it called again? Hope? It’s been so long.” 

Monday night Taylor spent his first day since late 2008 not pining over another failed season or the loss of Mark DeRosa. Instead, he joined other Cubs fans at a local bar, making jokes like, “Hey, did you hear the Cardinals named McGwire captain? Captain Obvious!”

Not everyone was thrilled by the development.

“I don’t like it,” said their bartender Frank O’Malley. “They haven’t even touched their beers.”

By Dan Bradley